Thursday, October 27, 2011

Ideas for the Big Three during the NBA Lockout

At this time last year, NBA fans were busy with predictions of how far the Big Three – LeBron James, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade – would take the Miami Heat. The hatred from the majority of fans burned bright into the preseason and overflowed into every away game that the Big Three had to face. Miami fans helped sell out opponent arenas all over the country, to the point that James began calling the team the “Heatles.”

Of course, we know the Big Three didn’t help Miami win the NBA Finals - losing to the Dallas Mavericks after six games - but they did win their division, defeating both the Boston Celtics and the Chicago Bulls. With the NBA lockout canceling the first two weeks of this season and the potential for more, the ‘Big Three’ need to look at finding another job to put some money in their account while they are off the court. Here are some positions I think they’d qualify for.

  1. Play the giraffes in the Broadway rendition of “The Lion King” - This play is based on the same-name Disney film and all the animals are played by people. The actors who play giraffes hold up long rods with giraffe heads on the end. If any of the ‘Big Three’ get the part, they could simply wear a giraffe mask and prance around, no rod required.
  2. Stock the top shelves at Home Depot – Think about the shelves at Home Depot for a second. They mainly have everything for you on lower shelves but have you ever seen the giant ladders that employees use to get things down from the top shelves?  The Big Three could forgo the ladders and simply stretch their arm up.
  3. Goofy at Disney World – Miami isn’t too far from Orlando, so these guys could swing over to Disney World and put on the costume. They already have the height and overall clumsy demeanor.
  4. Part-time at Foot Locker –The ex-jock employees in their referee uniforms at Foot Locker are eager to yell at you over the ridiculously loud hip hop music.  And hey, they can autograph their shoes when they sell them to a customer. (No they won't, they'd charge a whole lot more for an autographed shoe!)
  5. Lawyer – They may not have much law practicing experience but when it comes to arguing, they are professionals.  Whether it was a foul on them or a no-foul call, these three take the cake on keeping order on the court and in court.
  6. Polish the Mavs World Championship rings- The Heat already figured out how to give the rings to the Mavs, so they might as well have them nice and shiny before handing them over.
  7. Magic – These guys are escape artists. If you didn’t watch the NBA Finals, you missed a great disappearing act almost every game. By the time the fourth quarter came around, the CIA couldn’t have even found them.
  8. Safety Patrol –This is a natural fit since they all choked so hard during the NBA Finals. Enough said.

Brett is a writer for He typically writes about Sports and Entertainment. You can follow him on Twitter,@TeachFromSLC